Relationships: The Cause of Suffering?

As many of us still reel from the intensity of 2016, nowhere is this more true than in our relationships. The holidays brought new awareness of issues — some of which were things we had previously shoved aside or tried not to look at for many years. For those willing to step up in their own personal growth, deep forgiveness, awareness, empowerment, Truth, and strong boundary-setting occurred.

In my own life, I experienced these radical shifts with my family but more so, with my husband. I have come to know that the two of us have been together through other lifetimes and as such, our Souls contracted to reincarnate and join so that we could continue our evolution in the Here and Now.


One thing I notice in most of the spiritual groups I am involved in, is that the groups tend to be overwhelming female. It is only in the last year or so that more men have showed up in their Divine Masculine (which is very different from human masculine energy) to join us women on the spiritual path. It’s refreshing as I feel that any sort of imbalance — regardless of the perceived safety of mostly being with other women — is ultimately limiting and damaging to the whole.

Back to my own relationship, the issues that came forth that I personally needed to look at brought us to the brink of separation. I needed to take full responsibility for often ignoring my marriage in favor of going to meditate or hanging out on Facebook groups with people who I felt understood/understand me better than my husband… simply because they are on my spiritual path. The intensity was such that it felt like my husband and I were speaking different languages, which as we vibrate at different levels and see life through our individual filters, does make sense.

Admittedly, it’s so easy to compare myself and my relationship to those who have found their “divine beloved” partner. Both of my spiritual teachers are in fantastic relationships with men who share their spiritual path and I admit to feeling envious. That is, until I examine why their relationships are triggering me.

Looking at my marriage with new eyes, I “see” that my suffering has been because of comparison, thinking that my relationships should look like theirs. I’ve suffered, too, because of the “if only he would…” syndrome. For instance, “If only he would listen to this speaker with me, I know he’d finally understand me.” Or, “If only he would be more open-minded we could both be happy.”

The problem with this line of thinking is that it is a means of trying to control and manipulate the other person. Just as it is wrong for one to persecute another for their beliefs, it is equally unjust for me to criticize him for lack of belief. This attitude leaves no room for his own free will decisions as I think I know what’s best for his evolution more than his own Soul does.

In the past days and weeks, I’ve really had to be Truthful about what I want and need in my marriage. For one thing, I’ve needed to speak up and call him out when he became pushy or started mocking my beliefs. I also needed to tell him when I was going to meditate and just need some space vs. simply going away to another part of the house without warning. Now, instead of ignoring his genuine questions about my path, I have attempted to answer them as fully and honestly as I can. As I take these considerations in mind — and as always, pray and meditate with my Angels — I notice that his attitude has slowly shifted into one of consideration for my needs, Truth about what he wants from our relationship, and more love.

How did this happen? Because I choose to meet the challenge as required instead of running away from my very real feelings and emotions. I also choose to respect and accept that he may never be on the spiritual path as fully as I am, while at the same time, giving him the space to join me if he wishes.

Admittedly, it is hard to let go of this “need” for my partner to live life exactly the way I choose to. After all, I love him and I want him to experience the bliss and magic that connection to Pure Source provides. However, every Soul has a choice. It is up to each one to Awaken and to experience this for themselves and no amount of forcing or cajoling can change that. I am, and my relationship is, a work in progress but we agree that it is still one worth the effort. I have also accepted that marriage is not a fairy tale. All relationships have cycles and we may not be meant to be together “forever.” However, as long as it still feels good and mutually healthy for both of us, that’s all that matters. A regular review and honesty about our relationship is required to determine this.

In the meantime, I continue to look to outside friends who share my path for support and discussion in a way that my husband is not able to provide. Yet another lesson for me, too, has been to release my dependency on having my partner provide everything for me… knowing that I can use all of my resources as well as my Higher Self for support when needed.

This new attitude of Openness continues to surprise me as even within the past two weeks I notice that he has been less judgmental about my spiritual practices and more open to discussion. Of course, while I’d like to take all of the credit, he has done a tremendous job of self-awareness and has committed to working on our relationship as well. I also credit my daily Forgiveness prayers, my Spirit Team (Angels, Ascended Masters, and Teachers here) and my Andara for continuing to give me access to new energies that assist my heart opening.

My themes for 2017 are Truth and Action. Within my relationship, this means, 1) Release assumptions. 2) Be Truthful — no more hiding my spiritual practices because I fear being judged as “crazy” or “weird” for being myself. 3) Remain Open to change.

Blessings to you and to all of our relationships. And as always, much Love!


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